You've probably been plotting and scheming to get your man to propose but I am going to tell you something that just might blow your mind: If you want to be engaged that is 100% in your power. Yes, it's true! Forget about all that hard work and planning to get him to pop the question. The first thing you need to do is be clear about what you want. You have the power to choose what you want for your life. But you don't have that power in someone else's life - even your boyfriend's. You can influence him by being the loving and peaceful woman you want to be but you can't make him tell you what you want to hear. Besides if he were to ask you to marry him because you manipulated him into doing it, it would be a hollow victory because you forced him to, right?
I always tell my clients: “Men only do what they want.”
As the feminine energy in the relationship you need to say, "Honey, it would make me so happy to spend the rest of my life with you. I don't want to be just boyfriend and girlfriend. I really want to be married and I'd like that to be with you."
Then listen to him. This is important because not only do men only do what they want, they also only say what they mean. Your boyfriend will let you know if he can provide this for you or not. If he says, "Babe, I don't know. Marriage is a big step. I can't give that to you right now. I'm not ready." DO NOT try to convince him to change his mind. It won’t work! Besides, how icky would it feel to convince a man to be with you? No thank you!
If you have been pressing your man to put a ring on it - I invite you to drop the whole subject for about a month (or set a time line that feels good for you). NO hinting, jabbing, sarcasm, getting mad, trying to bring it up in conversation by talking about a friend who got engaged (we’ve all done THAT one!) Trust that he heard you. Trust that what is meant to be will be.
If a month comes and he still hasn't said anything and you've been peacefully enjoying the relationship you can say: "Honey, I really do want to get married and I'd like it to be with you." If he says, "Babe, we've talked about this already and I don't know why you're bringing it up again. I don't think it's a good idea. I can't provide you with that." then take control by making one of two choices:
- Set another deadline to ask again OR
- Drop it completely.
If you have to drop it, say to him: "I hear you and I appreciate your honesty. I don't want to continue seeing each other without marriage in our future. I need to be married to be happy. It sounds like we want different things. We need to go our separate ways."
Ending the relationship is powerful because you are saying to yourself and to him that what YOU want matters! YOUR happiness matters to YOU - the fabulously confident and independent woman that you are. And the bottomline is that is who it's all about YOU.
What about your boyfriend? Well, chances are that as you walk away with your dignity and integrity it will inspire him to take action. If not, here’s what I also tell my clients:"If it's meant to be, he will come back to me."
Wishing you happy in love forever, xo Stephanie