Part TWO: Busting Kinky Sex Myths in 'The Little Book of Kink'

Happy Valentines Day! 

I've invited back Toronto's favourite sexologist Dr. Jessica O'Reilly to share some sexy secrets for today (and always!) Earlier this week I posted part one of her blog post HERE and now we have Part Two of Busting Kinky Sex Myths in 'The Little Book of Kink'

Kink Myth #5: All kink practitioners have mental health issues.

Being kinky is not a diagnosis!

A huge range of sexual behaviors, including oral sex and same-sex relations, have been stigmatized by formal pathology. Thankfully, leading experts now understand that no sex act is universally a sign of mental health or illness and diagnostic standards are finally being amended to reflect updated research and science.

While some kinky people also suffer from mental illness, these rates are no higher than those in the general (non-kinky) population and it is important to note that sexual desires and behaviors are not necessarily indicators of mental health.

Kink Myth #6: Being penetrated makes you a submissive.

Any sex act can be performed by both a submissive and a dominant and therefore being penetrated does not make you a submissive. A dominant could demand that a submissive penetrate them and a submissive might decide never to be penetrated. There are no universal rules and each of us has the right to set our own limits and negotiate personal boundaries as desired.

Kink Myth #6: If you like to play the dominant role, you must be selfish and power-hungry.

When a dominant lover engages in a scene with a submissive partner, trust is the bond that unites their pleasure. There is therefore little room for selfishness and the power is shared. Moreover, playing the dominant role requires a good amount of self-control and respect for boundaries to ensure that both partners derive pleasure from the experience. It follows that being dominant in bed (or in a play room) doesnt mean that you are bossy, aggressive or demanding in all other aspects of your life.

Kink Myth #7: If youre submissive, you must be weak and have low self-esteem.

Submitting to a lover in a consensual, healthy relationship is not a sign of low self-esteem. In fact, in my practice and sexy travels, Ive found that many submissives are actually quite powerful people who manage great responsibilities in their professional and personal lives. Being submissive in bed allows them an opportunity to play an alternative role and alleviates some of the regular pressure associated with their everyday lives.

Kink Myth #8: Vanilla sex is boring or inferior to kinky sex.

Whether you identify as vanilla, kinky or somewhere in between, you can have an undeniably hot sex life! Kinky sex can be mind-blowing, but so can vanilla lovemaking, so keep an open mind, ditch the judgment and take your time sampling from the never-ending array of sexual options. 

Dr. Jess O'Reilly Toronto-based sexologist (PhD), author and television personality. Visit her website and connect with her HERE!

Dr. Jessica O'Reilly

Dr. Jessica O'Reilly